[Jim_H]

I give up. I've held out on this. I know Joe would prefer I don't and might delete this, but after several days of it, and yet another Memorial Day Weekend ruined by high winds, my Colorado Trip canceled due to high wind and cold, and nothing do to but sit and think, I take to the key board. When it comes to my location, I give up.

As some of you know, I moved to Kayenta on September 30. Liz knows I was cautiously optimistic at that time, but generally trying to stay positive about the move. I was getting excited about many aspects of the move, such as renting a house instead an apartment (something I later learned was sort of silver cloud with a gray lining), having a yard, living in a rural area and so on. The house is in terrible shape and isn't even 10 years old. Let me put it like this, "the building should be condemned. There’s serious metal fatigue in all the load-bearing members, the wiring is substandard, it’s completely inadequate for my power needs". Then there's the neighborhood (though this was obvious before the move). It's a disaster area. You might say, "the neighborhood is like a demilitarized zone". The yard is pointless and nothing but dirt, blowing dirt, unless it is mud, or hard packed clay, depending on season. Mostly, the yards seem to function as catchments for the blowing trash and people's 8 trucks they park on them. The rural area, is more of a prison of isolation, hours and hours from anything not this place. Then, there is the air pollution. Not from cars, but coal that people burn. It stinks like an old 2-stroke lawn mower idling with the choke clamped down, and it hangs around on cold winter nights.

All of that pales in comparison to the high winds made so much worse with fierce dust. I never thought it could be that bad. No wonder people in Oklahoma went insane in the 30s during the dust bowl. I had gusts so bad this afternoon, the house shook like I was in an earthquake. I mean windows rattled, the roof shook, and dust hit the windows so hard sounded like they were going to break.

Still, you would think that at some point, it has to get better. Summer is nearly here, it's time to enjoy the yard, the house, the warm weather and enjoy it by starting a garden to get food from. And, I did. I bought some stuff when I moved out, a peach and plum tree, and some other plants, as well as two pines. Virtually everything is dead. Dead, dead, dead. Stuff that looked fair after the last big wind event is now dead. Dried out and dead. All the leaves on the fruit trees, the sage brush I planted, the grapes (long since), and now all of the stuff I had planted in the last month and had come up. I really liked seeing some life, something green, something growing in the world of virtually nothing. My broccoli is shredded and dried out to stalks on the ground. My corn that came up is dead, my watermelon seeds, honey dew seeds, and sunflowers that had come up, all dried out and dead. My tomatoes, my basil, my radishes, my lettuce, and my gramma grasses, all dried out and killed in the last 48 hours. All dead. Even one area where I put in corn and it started growing, not only is that dead, but the wind has been so fierce that the soil I had planted the corn in- that is blown away. Completely gone! I have seedlings in pots that I could re-plant, but I am having a hard time wanting to bother again. I mean, what is the point? I put a lot of work in out here, just to have the wind destroy it. I had a lawn that got buried under 6 inches of dirt. Gave up on that, as you can't shovel your lawn. I had a native plants garden of grasses and wild flowers I planted and seeded last summer right after getting in. That was blown away in April. Not doing that again. I shoveled the dirt out of the street. That came back. Not doing that again. Seriously, I give up. Time to get up on the Model-T and move on.

[Sun Ray]

Jim, sorry you're having a difficult time with the move adjustment. I'd say relax...sit back with a beer..things will look better tomorrow...but wait they they don't sell beer on the Res.

[Jim_H]

Ha, good one.

[Sun Ray]

About 5 years ago my wife managed a federal education grant on the Navajo Reservation and would travel there 3 times a year. I was retired and tagged along. On those visits we learned a bit about the Navajo culture....very interesting, but would have been hard for us to live there. Good luck with whatever you choose to do. I know you'll do well.

[Jim_H]

The culture is about the least of it, but people here are much more insular than on the periphery and natives in town. Mostly, it's the location. Like with all things real-estate.

[Tough_Boots]

Why did you move there in the first place?

[big_load]

Have you picked a destination, or is the idea too new yet?

[Jim_H]

Job, I moved for a job. I'll Pm with some additional info. Destination, no, not yet, but I prefer Tucson and SE AZ.

[big_load]

I've spent more time in Tucson lately than I have before. It's growing on me, but I don't like the traffic. Maybe I don't know enough of the tricks yet, but it seems hard to get anywhere without stopping at every light.

[CannondaleKid]

Am I the only one willing to stick my neck out and state the obvious? (Or at least it appears so to me)

But then since I'm the Soap Box Kopelli maybe it's time to get this topic really cranking... either that or get it banned.

Ok, so here goes...
Here's a thought Jim, if you truly want to give up on something, how about giving up on negativity?

Did you ever notice at any function where numerous people are having conversations in smaller groups, the great majority will shun those with negative opinions... and in the end the solitary individuals standing around the periphery with nobody to talk to (or more accurately nobody who wants to listen to them) are the negatives.

In short, everybody likes a positive, nobody likes a negative.

I love being positive, it's a wonderful way of life!

Yes, I was a VERY negative person... until my mother's death some 20 years ago. That's when I realized how much her negativity had affected (and shortened) her life and I decided that from that day on, I would seek the positive as much as possible and banish the negative. Since then, while I've had some very bad things happen, (and yes, will grumble a bit at times) I've always found something positive somewhere in the experience. It may be camouflaged well, even taking days, months or even years before surfacing, but I always found the hidden gem.

So, no matter what aches and pains this well-used 62-year old body may present to me upon waking each day, I truly love to be alive to experience another day! I don't take meds to lessen the pains, I embrace them for just a moment before consciously shutting them off for another day by using akin to mind over matter.

In closing, let me offer this one piece of advice...
If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, don't pumpkin about the grass on your side of the fence or wish you were on the other side, but water your own grass!

Have a great day! (I truly mean that Jim)

Oh yeah, one last note... if you don't care to listen to or hear my intent, feel free to blow this off as a just bunch of positive hogwash.

[Jim_H]

I meant I give up on trying to make the place worth living in. Primarily, I was say I give up on the garden after having it completely destroyed between Thursday evening and yesterday morning. I can understand why you would respond to some of the things I mention. Unless you actually know the details, it doesn't seem like I am justified in mention things like the house or neighborhood. See, you probably don't understand that I have had dogs try to bite me, (because packs of semi-wild dogs roam out here) just a few houses from where I live, or that there is a hole in the exterior of my house the size of a plate. You might expect that this could be fixed, as I did, but that simply isn't where I live.

Someone recently asked why I wasn't complaining about Kayenta's weather. I told them because if I was going to complain about this place, there are far, far bigger issue than the weather. You suggest I water my own grass(ironically not a literal statement), or make improvements out here. I can tell you have never lived here or dealt with the issues surrounding that. Also, you seem to ignore that I specifically mention trying to get excited about certain things, only to discover it was or is not what it seemed, or have things destroyed out right. Blind positivity is great, just great, but some of us live in reality, and reality out here is far from anything positive.

[burntlizard]

I can't figure out how to use the quote option , but I agree with some of Cannondalekid's points. Agreed, most people will hide in the shadows and give an acceptable opinion, rather than an honest opinion. We don't want to be outcast. Positivity, is something that work's for every function in life, agreed!

Funny, some of my co-workers are extremely negative and always complain about the smallest detail of their life. These guy's seem to have a black cloud above them at all times, in fact, on of them I call pig pen, because he looks like the character on the Charlie Brown cartoon, with a big dust cloud around him. I can be the first load on a job and things are fine, these guys show up and they call dispatch to complain, and the customer calls too. What happened??? bad attitude and negativity was a pre-cursor to their success.

For me, I try and turn a negative in to a positive. Frankly, it's a fight every day. Just like yesterday, I decided that I HATE society and the general public for ruining our lands and just being a**holes. I realize that is going to get me nowhere real quick, so I reverted back, and said "forget it" I can't change society, I can only change ME!

Remember, no matter how bad your situation is, their is ALWAYS someone worse off. This is a fact!!

[Lovinthelight22]

Sounds like we are in the same situation, where we had a vision of what we wanted for our future, but are having some setbacks in materializing that vision. Not only has the harsh, dry wind dried up the life forms you have planted in the sanctuary of your "home", it sounds like it is affecting your very spirit as well. And, that is sad to hear, and especially disappointing for you, I bet, after you had to cancel a much needed time of respite in a place you love to visit. The place you are renting, I am guessing, is not a permanent living situation for you. If it were, some down to earth suggestions I would have would be to first drive around Kayenta and find someone who shares your vision of what a yard and garden should be, and has had success in creating that. Then, find out what they did to be able to create that type of paradise in the midst of a hot, dry and dusty barren environment. I don't know if a 10-12ft high fence around the property would keep out the dust (or withstand the winds without falling over), but that might help protect the yard and help to "close off" the area so you can retreat into your own space. I would also recommend creating natural windbreaks for the future, such as large shrubs or trees. You might not even want to invest in this since it is a rental anyway, or it might already exist. Then, I love soil amendments, and I don't know how many people actually amend the soil in Arizona. But, I would find anyone who has wood chips, leaves, grass clippings and bring them in, compost them, and start amending the soil. I would also find something like omagro, waste products, etc and add those in too to start making some good, heavy soil. Maybe even have the soil tested to see if it can support life. Some soils are so bad that no matter how much water you put into them, they will kill anything because they are so toxic with certain minerals. But, I believe any soil can be amended to improve it's quality....it may take a long time, but eventually it will be good. Sorry for the soap box about soil amendments...but I really love this process...I have no experience with it here in Arizona...but maybe the University of Arizona has some Ag people that could help you with your situation too, and know what you can do for your area to create lush, green life in your yard.

Again, sorry for so many disappointing setbacks and that you have to live in that harsh environment. It hits home with me right now, so I thought I would respond. I believe things happen for a reason, and hopefully, we get to figure out why someday.

[Rob del Desierto]

Kayenta can be a tough place to live, especially for an outsider. You either make the best of the situation, or it beats you. Some similarities to Page, though obviously slightly more isolated out where you are. If your whole reason for being unhappy with Kayenta is that you can't grow crops there, I don't really think that should be enough to drive someone away from a town. At least if you are not a farmer by trade. Your life, your decisions. Being close to lots of awesome hikes has to make up for not having a front yard - or at least it would in my book.

[gummo]

Don't sweat it, man. I hate my job and where I live too, but I have hope. Just do what I do. Stay positive and read a lot of books on how to become rich. And I will be rich someday too. I just have to figure out how to fake my own death.

[CannondaleKid]

I can tell you have never lived here or dealt with the issues surrounding that.

In your specific place and situation, I fully agree. But Jim, I can promise you I have dealt with many issues way more significant than those specific to your situation, more than a few life-threatening. (BTW, I spent much of my youth growing up way out-in-the-sticks of a Third-World country and what I've seen and experienced would make your destroyed garden seem like a mosquito bite, noticeable for a short period of time but in the context of one's life, nothing.

Blind positivity is great, just great, but some of us live in reality, and reality out here is far from anything positive.

I can also assure you, it is definitely not blind positivity that I ascribe to, I just do not choose to let negativity color my reality a shade of grey. (whoops, gray... I guess that's my British-based education showing it's color)

As others have already mentioned, I'm sorry about your specific situation but don't let it get you down.

[Jim_H]

Sammy, sometimes a post is just a post.

[Rob del Desierto]

Have you tried the seeds from Native SEED/Search? They are Tucson based and only sell heirloom desert-adapted plants, such as Hopi and Navajo corn varieties.

[fotogirl53]

Jim, I'm sorry the situation has gotten so intolerable for you out there. The constant wind and dust drove me nuts, too, and I was wasn't LIVING out there when I worked on the Rez. Here is my indoor plants. You might be amazed at how you can grow vegetables in containers inside you home. You can control the wind and the moisture, put them in a sunny space and never have to worry about insects. I don't think that you could grow corn, but definitely tomatoes, peppers, lettuce.

[big_load]

I don't figure any of us can talk Jim into a different outlook, but FWIW, I hope he finds a place that works better for him. I suspect Kayenta is a tougher place to be unhappy than most places I've ever lived.