How to camp like white people.

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Alston_Neal
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How to camp like white people.

Post by Alston_Neal » Jun 04 2010 2:31 pm

This reminds me of myself and well most people I know.
Enjoy... ;)

http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2009/08/14/128-camping/
If you find yourself trapped in the middle of the woods without electricity, running water, or a car you would likely describe that situation as a “nightmare” or “a worse case scenario like after plane crash or something.” White people refer to it as “camping.”

When white people begin talking to you about camping they will do their best to tell you that it’s very easy and it allows them to escape the pressures and troubles of the urban lifestyle for a more natural, simplified, relaxing time. Nothing could be further from the truth.

In theory camping should be a very inexpensive activity since you are literally sleeping on the ground. But as with everything in white culture, the more simple it appears the more expensive it actually is.

Camping is a multi-day, multi-step, potentially lethal activity that will cost you a large amount of both time and money. Unless you are in some sort of position where you absolutely need the friendship of a white person, you should avoid camping at all costs.

The first stage of camping always involves a trip to an outdoor equipment store like REI (or in Canada, Mountain Equipment Co-Op). These stores are well known for their abundance of white customers and their extensive inventory of things for white people to buy and only use once. If you are ever tricked into going to one of these stores, you can make white people like you by saying things like “man, this Kayak is only $1200, if I use it 35 times I’ve already saved money over renting.” Note: do not actually buy the kayak.

Next, white people will then take this new equipment and load it into an SUV or Subaru Outback with a Thule or Yakima Roof Rack. Then they will drive for an extended period of time to a national park or campsite where they will pay an entrance fee and begin their journey. It is worth noting that white people are unaware of the irony of using a gas burning car to bring them closer to nature and it is not recommended that you point this out. It will ruin their weekend.

Once in the camp area, white people will walk around for a while, set up a tent, have a horrible night of sleep, walk around some more. Then get in the car and go home. This, of course, is a best case scenario. Worst case scenarios include: getting lost, poisoned, killed by an animal, and encountering an RV. Of these outcomes, the latter is seen by white people as the worst since it involves an encounter with the wrong kind of white people.

Conversely, any camping trip that ends in death at the hands of nature or requires the use of valuable government resources for a rescue is seen as relatively positive in white culture. This is because both situations might eventually lead to a book deal or documentary film about the experience.

Ultimately the best way to escape a camping trip with white people is to say that you have allergies. Since white people and their children are allergic to almost everything, they will understand and ask no further questions. You should not say something like “looking at history, the instances of my people encountering white people in the woods have not worked out very well for us.”

Note: this works for all races!
In Japan they say only old people and crazy people hike mountains...........yep


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Grasshopper
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by Grasshopper » Jun 04 2010 2:54 pm

:lol: Some of the blog replies to this are classic! :lol:
(Outside.. "there is No Place Like It!!")

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cindyl
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by cindyl » Jun 04 2010 3:21 pm

white people will walk around for a while
Is this called hiking? :sl:

sweet. i think i'll go camping tomorrow.
There are just two switchbacks left. And another half-mile to the destination...

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chumley
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by chumley » Jun 04 2010 3:35 pm

Grasshopper wrote::lol: Some of the blog replies to this are classic! :lol:
You forgot the part where they visit wineries and take pictures with their $2000 digital SLRs en route.
:sl:
Profound observer

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Alston_Neal
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by Alston_Neal » Jun 04 2010 3:58 pm

My wakeup call was when I wanted titaniun camp plates.
I'll never forget the look on my wife's face... :o
In Japan they say only old people and crazy people hike mountains...........yep


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azbackpackr
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by azbackpackr » Jun 04 2010 5:47 pm

This whole website is pretty funny!
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Vaporman
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by Vaporman » Jun 04 2010 6:18 pm

OMG, that's hilarious! :sl:
Yea, canyoneering is an extreme sport... EXTREMELY dramatic!!! =p

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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by Al_HikesAZ » Jun 04 2010 6:26 pm

My wife always thought it was crazy that a Jew like me liked to camp. Until we watched the movie Defiance. Now she's glad that Jews like the Bielskis and me can survive when we need to. Except now she wants to know if I could really kill and butcher my horse. I use my Talmudic training and answer her question with a question. :A1:

I remind her that we survived for 40 years wandering & camping in the Wilderness. She reminds me that we had some help. Moses had the ultimate GPS and he still couldn't find his way. And then he ends up in the one spot in the Middle East without oil. I thinnk we needed Jed Clampett to give Moses a little help, but I'm definitely a minority view in my religion. :sl:

I took that test on "Stuff White People Like" and didn't score very well. Do white people really like that stuff? I guess I don't know whites as well as I thought I did. :scared: And here I've been trying so hard to be a WASH (White Anglo-Saxon Hebrew). Oh well - lla'y שבת שלום
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juliachaos
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by juliachaos » Jun 04 2010 6:32 pm

Tent.. check.
Subaru Outback.. check.
Allergy medication.. check.

Looks like all I need is a very expensive kayak. Guess it's off to REI to go find one. Can't wait to try out this 'camping' thing! :)

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te_wa
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by te_wa » Jun 04 2010 7:16 pm

Alston Neal wrote:Once in the camp area, white people will walk around for a while, set up a tent, have a horrible night of sleep, walk around some more
huh. some of us have risen above this dog-like behavior. :y:
:D

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Jim_H
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by Jim_H » Jun 04 2010 8:50 pm

That site is weird, a only little funny, and seems to be written to be subtlety insulting. Yeah, it starts out funny, and there is a lot on that master list I don't Identify with, but it starts to read like a general list of things, not just "white things", what ever that means. Why not add bread to it or clean water? I guess it couldn't be white bread, but would have to be whole wheat bread. Really, that list just seems to be about insulting yuppies and those sorts of people. Perhaps, it is written as a way to jealously insult people with disposable income, and it seems to imply that only "white people" have that. That is not a list about southern whites who barely made it out of high school. It is written about "white people", so you just have to love it, but it gets old. I wonder how well a comparable list would be received if was was called, "things black people love"? It could have stuff like crack, big asses, bling, ghettos, rims, overs sized clothing, and so on. I guess that would appear racist, though, right?

Anyway, I never saw any quiz on that site, where was it? I need to see just how "white" I truly am.
:o

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JimmyLyding
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by JimmyLyding » Jun 04 2010 10:36 pm

The quiz is via Facebook. I took it, and came out as only 51% white. Those of you who have been unfortunate enough to have met me know that I'm pretty darn white.
It's not so much "Stuff White People Like," but "Stuff White Yuppies From the East Coast or California Whose Wealthy Parents Overly-Indulged Them Like."
It's a parody site that's aimed at a fairly-narrow demographic. I grew up the child of Stanford-educated parents who probably over-indulged their kids, but I still like guns. I like fancy sandwiches on whole wheat bread, but I hate Whole Foods. I wouldn't dream of going to a restaurant, and ordering a dish with tofu unless it also came with beef, shrimp, and lobster sauce. I believe that the best things to train a large dog are a stern voice and a rolled-up newspaper rather than a $50/hour "dog whisperer" and worrying about Fido's self-perceived right to destroy my property. I'm pretty liberal in terms of politics, but I have no problem with Predator/Reaper drone strikes in Pakistan.
Enough about me... Sorry.

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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by azbackpackr » Jun 05 2010 4:08 am

I thought some of it was funny but I agree it does apply to a narrow demographic. In my recent college semester I studied some topics having to do with race and class. There are more poor white people in the US than any other group of poor people. However, the percentage of white people who are poor is lower than the percentage of black people who are poor. Etc. etc.

I grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood, my dad was a lawyer, yet I myself have never earned even $20,000 in a year. So I have this dichotomy going all the time. I can't relate very well to rednecks, Mormon women, Bible-beaters, or white trash, (all of these are well-represented in my town) but when I hang out with people of my original "class" I often can't stand them either. My co-workers are usually Mormons or Bible-beaters. They are nice folks, but I don't hang out with them after work. On the other hand, my hiking pals in this area are often retired women from Greer, etc. What do you say to someone from Greer who chooses to own a log McMansion, and thinks she is roughing it if she comes up here in winter? Someone who talks with the other women in a hiking group I go with, about their golf dates and their next trip to Europe? (While they are golfing I am probably down at the food bank--Thursday 9 a.m.)

Although I am generally friendly to everyone, I really only like to hang out with backpackers. ;) And river runners. And they are usually white and middle class, but there are also also old (and young) hippie backpackers--they are fun, too. (And they are usually white and middle class.) I have one friend who was born in Mexico who is a backpacker, but she is middle class, and married to an Anglo.

Frankly, I have never been in a position to know very many black people. I think there are about 6 of them living here. I know one of them fairly well, he used to be a coworker. In trying to figure out what kind of person I am, he decided that I fit best into the category of "granola." :(
There is a point of no return unremarked at the time in most lives. Graham Greene The Comedians
A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

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Alston_Neal
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by Alston_Neal » Jun 05 2010 10:41 am

Al_HikesAZ wrote:My wife always thought it was crazy that a Jew like me liked to camp. Until we watched the movie Defiance. Now she's glad that Jews like the Bielskis and me can survive when we need to. Except now she wants to know if I could really kill and butcher my horse. I use my Talmudic training and answer her question with a question. :A1:

I remind her that we survived for 40 years wandering & camping in the Wilderness. She reminds me that we had some help. Moses had the ultimate GPS and he still couldn't find his way. And then he ends up in the one spot in the Middle East without oil. I thinnk we needed Jed Clampett to give Moses a little help, but I'm definitely a minority view in my religion. :sl:

I took that test on "Stuff White People Like" and didn't score very well. Do white people really like that stuff? I guess I don't know whites as well as I thought I did. :scared: And here I've been trying so hard to be a WASH (White Anglo-Saxon Hebrew). Oh well - lla'y שבת שלום
:y: :) :) My Jewish friends refer to camping as staying at Motel 6.
In Japan they say only old people and crazy people hike mountains...........yep


Our humble abode..
http://www.oldterritorialshop.com

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base871
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by base871 » Jun 05 2010 11:20 am

You mean I'm always gonna be this color!?
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JoelHazelton
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by JoelHazelton » Jun 05 2010 6:18 pm

:lol: :lol:
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kevinweitzel75
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by kevinweitzel75 » Jun 06 2010 7:55 am

:sl: Thats friggin funny. I don't think that I'm that bad. I do have a 10 x15 foot cabin tent that I set up when I'm staying for awhile, and a toilet, and a bed, and a covered kitchen with a dinning table.....oh crap, I guess I am kind of like that. I use my stuff alot, not just once. Still it's funny. And now the wife has been talking about getting a pop up camper, and we don't even have a truck!
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I took the road less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
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sundevilstormin
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by sundevilstormin » Jun 06 2010 8:48 pm

Al_HikesAZ wrote: Except now she wants to know if I could really kill and butcher my horse.
Al, my 3rd great-grand-pappy ate his cow, then his ox, then his horse, and was eyein' the dog while chewin on the saddle leather when Brother Brigham finally sent supplies his way... and I et mule and other parts in South America...

let me know when you get some horse chops, Kosher should be good... :bdh:

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Jeffshadows
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by Jeffshadows » Jun 07 2010 8:09 am

I was white until it turned 1,000F outside last weekend. Now I need keep my papers on me :sl: .

Anyway, most of that stuff would be better filed under "How to camp like a granola" rather than the current title... :D
AD-AVGVSTA-PER-ANGVSTA

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Dave1
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Re: How to camp like white people.

Post by Dave1 » Jun 07 2010 10:09 am

HOW TO CAMP ON THE AZ-MEXICO BORDER:

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