Your pain is a needy kid's gain
Overview: Ride for the Children is an annual mid-April charity bike ride to benefit homeless kids. Basically, it is a loop around Mummy Mountain. Read more on their website. Note that on Ride day, each rest stop has a port-a-potty, water, orange slices, energy bars, etc. On other days, you are on your own.
Ride: The ride departs Horizon HS, on 56th St and Greenway. If you do the route on your own, beware traffic. (One lane, each way, is coned off on the official ride day.) The first segment is a shallow 3-mile descent to the northern edge of Paradise Valley. (The city, not the region -- which is the opposite direction.) Just before you reach the golf course wash, you turn east on Mountain View Rd then, in quick succession, south on 68th St, southeast on Sanna St, east on Berneil Dr, and south on 60th St to Double Tree Ranch Rd. After crossing over the wash / golf course -- which it is, depending on where you are along its length, which stretches from Scottsdale Rd northwest to Venturoso Park on 32nd St. -- turn southeast onto Via Los Caballos, then south on Morning Glory Rd, to Rest Stop #1 at 5.5 miles. To me, in years past, this is the highlight of the ride, as the corral behind the stop is usually filled with llamas, goats, etc. For some reason they were not out in 2013.
After Rest Stop #1, turn west on Mockingbird Ln -- no sign of the Munsters -- then north on 56th St, back to Doubletree Ranch Rd. If you are doing the 10-mile lollipop -- I like "lollipop" better than "lasso" -- turn east, back across the wash / golf course, and back up the way you came. If you are doing the 25-mile course, turn west on Doubletree Ranch Rd, then north on 52nd St. Note the mansions and lots have been steadily increasing in size and luxury. East on Mockingbird Rd -- this section is paved, but rough -- then north on 54th St, to begin the first of two climbs. It is steeper, but not as lengthy / hard as the second. The top is at Desert Jewel Dr. Keep on 54th St to Roadrunner Rd, upshift a bunch of gears, and start hammering down the descent. The turn south onto Shadow Mountain Rd is tight, but Shadow Mountain Rd / Desert Fairways Dr itself is twisty, and the fastest part of the course. Just after passing Paradise Valley Country Club, you will cross Lincoln Dr. You have gone 10.75 miles.
As you head through twisty Camelback Manor Rd, you will begin your second ascent. It's not the Tour de France, but then neither are you Lance Armstrong (or his chemist). Turn east on McDonald, pass the Sanctuary Resort, then turn south on Cameldale Way. When the climb finishes on Cameldale Way, you are halfways through the circuit. Then ess-through Yucca Rd, Palo Verde Ln, Saguaro Rd and Jackrabbit Rd to Invergordon Rd. As you proceed south on Invergordon Rd, watch out for the hordes of people, dogs and cars heading for Camelback's Cholla TH. Turn east on Chapparal Rd, north on 66th St, north on Casa Blanca Dr, then east on Solano Dr, curving north onto 68th St. When you hit Rest Stop #2, just before McDonald Dr at Temple Solel, you are 15.5 miles into the ride.
Ride a couple of miles north on 68th St. When it T's, turn east onto Northern Ave / Golf Dr. Now the mansions get *really* big and fancy. After a mile, curve west onto Caballo Dr. Hit up the golf course beer cart if you have better timing than me. Turn north onto 66th Pl, then west onto your third stretch of Doubletree Ranch Rd. Just before you hit the wash / golf course, turn north onto Morning Glory Rd, west on Mountain View Rd and, finally, back up 56th St for the 3-mile slow climb back to Horizon HS -- and on Ride days, the source of many yummy, yummy carbs.
65-mile Course: Same as the 25, plus another 40 through north Scottsdale, after passing Horizon HS. If you do it, you are a better man than I.
WARNING! Hiking and outdoor related sports can be dangerous. Be responsible and prepare for the trip. Study the area you are entering and plan accordingly. Dress for the current and unexpected weather changes. Take plenty of water. Never go alone. Make an itinerary with your plan(s), route(s), destination(s) and expected return time. Give your itinerary to trusted family and/or friends.